Reunion Rantings

Wrote this while I was out in the middle of nowhere for a family reunion.

There are times where I wish I could just scream and rant, and not even about anything specific. Just to have a knock down drag out fight every once and awhile. Too bad that is not acceptable, and crying is not the same release, still though with me they are very closely tied.
I love the idea of family reunions, and being with extended family. Unfortunately in reality it is completely different and does not really work for me now. I am too old for the younger group and too young for the adults. The people who are around my age are married and are started on having their families. What do you do then? No matter what side of the family, I just don't fit in and I hate it. Even though I am though I am not as reserved when around family, it is hard to go up and just start up a conversation.
I have even lost my role as baby sitter. life just sucks. It is not like I truly want to be alone, but it just gets too much, and I almost have to be alone so I don't blow apart. Then what the hell are you supposed to tell people who ask, if they even notice that you are not there? A few years ago I wandered away. I was probably gone for over an hour just walking through the desert in the middle of the afternoon. Only one person asked where I was when I got back, and that was my mother. If I was to walk away how long would it be before anyone noticed I was gone, and how long would it take before they started to worry. Would it only be at meal times, so when they to make sure I ate.
Would I be missed, or would it even make a difference if I was to leave beside there being one less person to do work. Right now all I am good for is sitting with a dog that I am allergic to, to keep her company so that she does not freak out. What kind of life is that? Let me tell you it is a crappy one.

Luckily my mood changed, and I was able to do some free climbing on the rocks. I did wander but came back after getting some great pictures. I was also able to do a zip line which is a huge feat for me because I am scared of heights.